Saying Goodbye

Hi Dear Reader,

I wrote a post a while ago about the day my father died. I have sat on it until now, finally deciding to delete it. I won't publish it because frankly, some things are too sacred to minimize with mere mortal words. Never could I adequately relay that monumental day and it's impact on my life. So instead, I will talk about loss in general.

Losing things- from car keys to loved ones- causes disorientation in most of us. I think this is because we imbue our identity into those things. They are a physical connection to a world filled with abstract ideas and to lose even a small part of that- a part of ourselves- is cause for panic. And no matter the significance of said object, the repercussions are real enough.

I "lost" my father shortly after my 30th birthday. Two weeks later I "lost" the only grandparent I have ever known. Not long after, I literally "lost" myself as a nervous breakdown removed me from my old life and gave me a new life completely foreign and undiscovered. I am starting at zero.

Recently, I even "lost" my job. Not just a job. I worked full-time and attended school four nights a week to earn my Masters Degree. Then I began a career that spanned six years and instilled a large identity within me. I had knowledge, authority, my own office, even professional name cards! I had the ability to HELP people! Amazing. But I get it; lay-offs happen. It wasn't personal. It was a matter of numbers and I missed the seniority cut-off by a matter of days. I believe things happen for a reason. What I didn't need was another loss. I am starting at zero.

But, survival is all about perspective. You know, glass half-full kinda thing. I like to think of myself as a realist. I definitely don't wax Pollyanna but I also try to avoid the "dark side" as much as possible. So, in essence I take the good with the bad. I hate this "blind leading the blind" feeling, but I am extremely grateful for all that I DID have. Without the U of R, I wouldn't have met my best friend. And without Goodwill, I wouldn't have met my second family and nurtured my "adopted" children.

Loss happens. So be prepared. Love hard, forgive easily, and always thank God. No regrets. And if you squint hard enough, there is always a silver lining in the storm.